a crash-course in thistleswitchery

So, Thistleswitch. The novel in progress in question.

...I'm just now realizing that I've never tried to describe the story in a 'blurb' format before. You know, if it was a published novel, there would be the little paragraph on the back that explains in a neat and tidy way exactly what you can expect inside. My usual response when I'm questioned about the story is, "I don't really know how to explain it," followed by either a) "Just read it," or b) hiding my laptop screen and possibly my face until the curious party finally leaves and I can get back to writing.

The reason that I can't describe the story is that it's not finished yet. I don't know where it's going, so I don't know what sort of story I'm dealing with, here. I guess the simple version is that it's about a hero and his companions on a quest to marry the beautiful princess of a far off kingdom. Throw in an F-45 pistol - a weapon capable of shooting moderately sized produce at a rate of eleven fruits per second - and a fiddle that sounds like something between the roar of a broken chainsaw and the squeal of a pestered piglet. Not to mention the thistleswitch itself, which can turn birds into doorstops midflight and transform an amiably twenty-seven-year-old birdwatcher into a hungry crocodile on a whim. Mix all that together with a good amount of irony and total disregard for the fourth wall, and you're starting to get an idea of what Thistleswitch has going for it.

Now, as I've said, I don't actually expect anyone to read this. And if anyone does happen to read it, it's probably a safe bet that I told them to do so because they've read the beginning of the novel itself. But, on the so-very-off-that-you-can't-even-see-it-in-the-distance chance that someone who hasn't read Thistleswitch for themself takes a gander at this blog, I suppose it would be best to lay some groundwork. And so, without further ado, may I present The Official and Comprehesive Quick Reference Guide to Thistleswitch for Anyone Who Cares About Such Things:


Aries Phoenixflight is "technically" the protagonist of the story. He's the one on the quest to marry the princess of Afalanphra, you see, and it's general knowledge that only heroes go on quests. Heroes can't be killed; at least, not until their quest has been completed. For have you ever read a story in which the protagonist died halfway through? Of course not.

Niko Treestorm is Aries' assistant, brought along to carry baggage and gather firewood. He's slightly bitter about this fact, as you may guess; his parents had five children, of which he was the fourth – meaning, of course, that he’d just barely missed out on the benefits of being a youngest child.

Merry Songchaser is not "technically" a heroine, but the story seems determined to follow her anyway. It is with Merry Songchaser – with her fourteenth birthday, to be precise – that the story begins, and it is Merry Songchaser that keeps dancing around in this particular narrator's head, demanding that her story be told.

Fencejumper and Riddle are Aries' and Niko's horses, respectively. Fencejumper will eat anything in sight. Other than that, he’s a friendly fellow, and easy to keep track of. It’s Riddle that you have to watch out for. She’s clever, and worse, she knows she’s clever. The horses are enchanted to withstand the Shift and allow their riders safe travel through the Thistlethought Forest. Speaking of which...

Thistlethought Forest and The Shift, aka The Thistleswitch are key to the story - as the title may have suggested to you. It is in the Thistlethought Forest that the majority of the story takes place, and though it is relatively normal as forests go, what makes it particularly peculiar is the Shift. To explain the Shift, I'll plop in a bit of the story itself (not that I haven't been doing that with all of these little blurbs).

"No one understood why it happened, but it did, and what happened was this: something would change. It might be a very inconsequential something, such as the color of your shirt, or the exact number of freckles on your left arm. Or it might be a rather more consequential something, such as whether you had three brothers or two sisters, or whether your traveling companion was an amiable twenty-seven-year-old birdwatcher or a hungry crocodile. The time of day, the day of the week, the week of the month, the month of the year, and the year of the century might all alter sporadically, so that, though you had entered the forest at nine in the morning on a Thursday in June, you might suddenly find yourself at seven in the evening on a Saturday in February, three years before you were born."

And that's a rather good example of the sort of writing to be expected in the novel, as well, so...double duty. Excellent. Moving on.

Tipsidy is a town located slightly to the left of what could be considered the rough center of the Thistlethought Forest. For some reason (that even I'm not aware of, as of yet) the town is immune to the Shift. Which is the only thing that makes it remarkable, other than the fact that our story, and Merry Songchaser, have their beginnings here.

Afalanphra is the kingdom just beyond the Thistlethought Forest, where Aries Phoenixflight and companions must travel to find the Palace of Peerless Pulchritude and, within it, the most beautiful princess in the world.

Princess Briaraliena is said most beautiful princess in the world.

Quicken is a reformed thief-turned-Chief Fiddle Player who eventually and unwillingly accompanies Aries on his quest.

Kaye is an Imaginary, though even I'm not sure exactly what that means. She lives in the Thistlethought, embraces the Shift, and is on a first name basis with a tangle tree. She's also a remarkably handy deus ex machina.

Grandma Anine is the witch who controls the thistleswitch. She helps and hinders our heroes in equal doses, and smells of goat cheese and mold.


And that's probably entirely too much information to take in all at once, so I'll bring the Guide to a close. If you've actually read it all, have a metaphorical cookie. If you haven't, there will be a quiz.