Shiny Disclaimer!
I am not a professional - I'm just working for one. I'm not necessarily more qualified to have an opinion on anything writing-related than you are. The following statements are only the opinions of This Particular Writer and are not binding in a court of law.
How to Write Your Query, Part I
#1 Follow The Guidelines
I feel like this one should go without saying (but, from what I've seen, it apparently doesn't). This rule is so important that it supersedes everything else, in my opinion. You could be shopping The Best Manuscript Ever, but that won't necessarily matter if you're sending it to the wrong person. Agents have preferences just like everyone else; some of them are going to love your high fantasy epic, and others of them want to gag when they read anything featuring elves and swordplay. One agent might adore steamy romance novels, while their coworker can't help but crack up every time she reads about heaving bosoms.
"But Jessica, how am I supposed to know if Ms. Superstar Agent thinks heaving bosoms are sexy or laughable?" you ask. Luckily for us, there are tons of snazzy places on the World Wide Web to look up that very information. AgentQuery has this handy search feature that lets you check cute little boxes that describe the genre of your story. If, for example, I were to send out a query for Thistleswitch, I might look for agents with these interests:
When I click 'search', I'll get a list of agents who're looking for the very thing that I've written! Isn't that nifty?
Another great place to find out what an agent is looking for is the agency website. There are so many of these that I can't possibly link to them all, but if do your research (which you should, if you're serious about this publishing thing) you'll be able to find agents who love what you love (namely, your manuscript), and avoid agents who don't give a monkey's ladle about your genre.
Real Life Example: Mystery Agent Enigma* doesn't represent picture books. Somehow, I've still seen three picture book queries in the past month. They could have been great picture books, and maybe an agent who works with picture books would love them, but it's just not this agent's thing.
When you send an agent a query for something that he specifically says he's not looking for, it screams, "I DON'T ACTUALLY KNOW WHO YOU ARE OR WHAT YOU LIKE OR CARE TO FIND OUT! JUST SELL MY BOOK CAUSE IT IS THE CAT'S PAJAMAS!" It's like going to a restaurant and asking for the house salad, and then being brought the fettuccine alfredo even though you specifically told the waiter that you're on a low-carb diet. At which point the waiter says, "I DON'T KNOW OR CARE WHAT YOU WANT, JUST EAT THIS PASTA CAUSE IT'S THE CAT'S PAJAMAS!"
Somehow, I don't think you'll be leaving a very big tip. And the agent that you didn't bother to research isn't going to be leaving you a tip, either (AKA, a request for your full manuscript. We all know how I like my needlessly confusing metaphors.)
On a Related Note: Another important thing to pay attention to when you're checking guidelines for an agent is the sample pages. An agent may want the first five pages of your manuscript, or the first twenty, or the first three chapters. Some may even want the whole manuscript right off the bat. The important part, folks, is to send them. Without sample pages, an agent doesn't get a real sense of the story you're trying to sell. Now, in Mystery Agent Enigma's case, sending a query without sample pages isn't an automatic Reject - but he'll only ask for sample pages if the pitch itself is pretty dang intriguing. The best thing to do is just to send what the agent asks you to send (and if you don't get that by this point, or heck, didn't get that before you even started reading this, there's a problem here).
3-7-11 Update: I read and reviewed ten query letters today, and three of them failed to include sample pages. They should've read my blog.
#2 Have a Pretty Dang Intriguing Pitch
Jessica feels invisible in her new high school. She eats lunch alone, keeps her head down in class, and has nothing in common with her classmates. More than anything in the world, she wishes that she and her parents had never moved to Toasterville.
But everything changes when the tall, dark and handsome Eugene McUberstein starts flirting with her. She discovers that they have a lot in common. Jessica finds herself falling for the alluring young man.
But Eugene has a deep, dark secret. So dark that it could drive Jessica away forever...if it doesn't kill her first.
THE ZOMBIE WHO FELL IN LOVE is a timeless YA novel about love, betrayal, and brains.
Real Life Example (sort of): Now obviously, this isn't an actual pitch**, but it's got a lot of the not-so-stunning elements that I've seen several times in queries so far. I can't tell you how many of my query-reviews have included "pitch doesn't intrigue me" or "vague pitch" or some form thereof.
Let's take a look at the things that make this pitch fit for the Reject pile:
Jessica feels invisible in her new high school. She eats lunch alone, keeps her head down in class, and has nothing in common with her classmates. More than anything in the world, she wishes that she and her parents had never moved to Toasterville.The pitch opens by telling me the main character doesn't fit in at her new school. Which, aside from not telling me anything about what makes Jessica a unique heroine, is such a predictable opener for a YA story that I'm already bored. If the fact that your main character doesn't fit in at school is really central to your story, that's fine; the best way to get that across and catch the agent (or his intern's) attention is to state exactly what makes her such an oddball. Maybe Jessica collects antique furniture, or loves tightrope walking, or is building a homemade flamethrower in her backyard. I want to know what makes HER different from every other character that's been a misfit in their new high school; I want to know why reading 60,000 words about HER will be more enjoyable than reading about someone else.
But everything changes when the tall, dark and handsome Eugene McUberstein starts flirting with her. She discovers that they have a lot in common. Jessica finds herself falling for the alluring young man.And here's where we start entering Vaguesville. "Everything changes"? Really, everything? Did her favorite food change? The color of her hair? "They have a lot in common"...like what, exactly? Eugene is also into flamethrowers? "The alluring young man"...what makes him alluring, exactly? Other than the fact that he's "tall, dark and handsome", which should make your Cliché Radar twinge in horror.
Yes, yes, I know that I've said before that I don't mind clichés so much. But I mean that in a broad strokes way: Forbidden Romance stories are all over the place, but they've been around since ancient times because they're fun and dramatic, and the predictability of them lends to their entertainment value. Clichéd phrases, on the other hand, have no place in your query letter. The pitch is your chance to show the agent, in about 300 words, just what an awesomely creative and talented writer you are. By describing Eugene as "tall, dark and handsome", I've just wasted four words on something that I didn't even create, that is so overused that it probably made the agent's intern roll her eyes instead of actually picture the character I was describing. I would be much better off saying that Eugene has haunting eyes and a physique hot enough to melt tungsten.
And then we come to the center of Vaguesville:
But Eugene has a deep, dark secret. So dark that it could drive Jessica away forever...if it doesn't kill her first.I've seen too many queries end this way. It feels like a dramatic cliffhanger. He has a secret! Gee, there's danger! Oh, she could die!
And then you realize that that's all it says. The only thing I know about the entire plot of the novel is that Eugene has a secret and there'll be some life-threatening danger. What's the secret? Why does it have the potential to kill the heroine? What is the plot here? You've got me.
Leaving the agent with questions about your story isn't a bad thing; it gets them invested in the story and makes them want the full manuscript. But you need to leave them with the right sort of questions. Instead of wondering what the heck the plot of your story is, the agent should be asking themselves how the plot could possibly be resolved. While "his dark secret could kill the girl he loves" sounds dramatic, in a pitch you want something a lot more concrete; something more like, "Eugene is a zombie with a hankering for human brains. If he wants to be with the girl he loves, he'll need to find a way to do what no other zombie has done and quell his constant urge to bite her face off. And even if he does succeed, will Jessica be okay with dating an undead corpse, or will she use her homemade flamethrower to send him back to the pit from whence he came?"
...okay, that's not a fabulous pitch, obviously. But at least it gives us more to work with.
Now sometimes, even if a pitch is vague and convoluted, having really incredible sample pages will save the day. Which is why it's important to, say it with me now: include the sample pages. Very good.
On a Related Note: Even if the plot of your story has been done before, it hopefully has at least a few unique qualities that make it stand out. Emphasize those qualities in your pitch. You don't want the agent's intern describing your story as, "Pretty much Twilight with zombies."
What We've Learned:
1. Know the interests of the agents you're querying. React accordingly.
2. Send sample pages from your manuscript when they're requested.
3. Make your main character and plot seem as unique as you can.
4. Stay away from vague or cliched phrases that don't tell us about the plot.
* My boss, for those of you who didn't read the post before this one.
** But THE ZOMBIE WHO FELL IN LOVE will probably be my next great masterpiece, so don't go stealing it.
